Many years ago, I read Paulo Coelho’s The Pilgrimage and The Valkyries. His description of his spiritual experiences in America have always stuck with me and I’ve longed for the same kind of enlightenment ever since.

A couple of months ago, I received an email about a Visionary Leaders retreat in Austin, Texas hosted by Stephanie Bellinger. I’ve been invited to events in the States before, but something about this one spoke to me. I knew I had to go and when I told my husband about it, he knew I had to go too! 

But he wasn’t happy for me to go for just the weekend, which had been my initial plan. He insisted I spend at least a week out there, so I decided to head on up to Denver after the retreat to stay with some of the women I’ve been working with at the Academy of Transformational Practice. Video chats are all well and good, but nothing beats meeting someone in person.

As my trip drew nearer, I became more and more nervous. This was the first time I’d flown since returning to the UK from New Zealand almost a decade ago and things have changed a lot since then. What was worse was that I’d never been away from my children for a prolonged period, and my oldest is 16. The thought of being far from home if something went wrong petrified me and I spent most of the days in the lead up to my trip wondering what on earth I’d been thinking.

And then I got on a plane, and all my worries melted away.

When I arrived at my hotel, I was stunned. I’d booked in the place which seemed most reasonable on Expedia and it turned out to be a posh hotel of magnificent poshness! Alas, two hours’ sleep out of the last twenty meant I didn’t get to explore Austin because I fell asleep and didn’t wake until the next morning, but a room service breakfast more than made up for it and I soaked up the atmosphere in the reception after checkout until it was time to head over to the retreat.

The Visionary Leaders Retreat

I don’t think I can quite put into words what that retreat did for me. It reminded me why I organise retreats myself – the transformational nature of a good retreat is quite literally life changing. We worked a lot on where we want to be and how we can get there, through various exercises and meditations. We thought about who we want to be and how that’s different to the person we are now, and then worked on embodying that person right now. I was given an invaluable tip about how to use a VA on the first afternoon which was worth the price of the retreat alone!

We examined our motives and what drives us. What was interesting here was that we had to list all the things which motivate us and then rank them, but the ranking bore no resemblance to the order we’d thought of them. I wasn’t surprised to have happiness and family at the top of my list, but drive and fulfillment were right at the bottom, despite being some of the first things I came up with. 

Not wanting us to be stuck in the house all day, Stephanie took us to McKinney Falls, which is where I had my first spiritual connection with the land. There was a pool which is large enough to swim in, although the water temperature wasn’t really warm enough. Nevertheless, I took my shoes and socks off and went for a paddle. 

From the moment my feet hit the water, I couldn’t stop grinning. I felt so at home, that this was the place I was meant to be. I even spotted some tiny little fish!

When I was ready to move on, we went to some rocks, where we all sat and made a note of our thoughts and feelings so far. This is an extract from my journal:

This is peace. This is harmony. This is downtime. This is what you need. Right now, you are not worrying about anything. THIS is freedom.

The water dances for you. In this moment, everything is for you.

The water is so very tempting. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH GIVING IN TO TEMPTATION SOMETIMES.

At that moment, I knew I was going to come back to the States in the not too distant future. 

The Oracle Speaks

We pulled various oracle cards throughout the weekend to track our progress and mindset. When we went back to the AirBnB, I pulled Don’t Dim to Fit In. I didn’t feel that this resonated with me, so I took another card…

…which had a similar message! As I thought about it, I realised that while I’ve never been one to conform, I have recently been quietening myself and not wanting to stand out or step on other people’s toes. I’ve been working on not letting my ego take over, but as a consequence, I’ve gone too far in the opposite direction, so I need to find the right balance. As I wrote in my journal, I have been dimming myself because I’m afraid of the backlash I’ll get for being myself. I’m afraid people won’t like me and cause trouble for me because of not liking me. I’ve dialled down my shine so I won’t draw attention to myself and can fly under the radar… It is okay to be my full, authentic self… Once I shine brightly, I’ll attract those I need and repel those I don’t.

That evening, we experienced a deep meditation which gave me so many insights, I can’t even begin to explain. Among them was an unexpected health warning. Despite having worked with esoteric subjects for many years, I’m still a huge skeptic and I’m convinced the reason why I was told this – aside from it being important to sort out my health – was so that I had confirmation that everything I received was real and needed to be listened to. 

(Funnily enough, a few days later when I was staying with Brenda, we checked out what I’d been told and it was accurate. So my American trip wasn’t only good for my spiritual well being – it’s positively impacted on my physical health too!)

At the end of the weekend, we pulled some final cards and I got Dance and Observer. Dancing has always been important to me, but I’ve recently taken a step back from the troupe I’m in. Now I know it’s something I need to weave into my everyday life to help me maintain the joy I felt during my time in America. Add to that the message that I need to trust everything is turning out as it should, and it really encapsulated everything I’d learned.

Denver

Once the retreat was over, it was time to fly up to Denver to meet up with the ATP ladies. 

What can I say? The generosity and beauty of spirit I encountered there was indescribable. I made friends for life, soul connections who are deeply important to me. While the retreat had been an intentional spiritual journey, it seemed that the energies I’d stirred up were continuing to sustain me. Time had no meaning – I was in the States for a week and it felt more like a month and every moment I felt nothing but bliss, joy, and gratitude.

This wasn’t the life to which I wanted to become accustomed. This was my life. 

There were so many highlights to the week, it’s hard to know which ones to talk about. Every single second brought more delight, more peace, and a stronger sense that I really was where I’m supposed to be.

I stayed up until 3am talking to Brenda Hardwick and could have continued talking for even longer. It was as though we’d known each other forever. Brenda works with angels and she helped open my eyes to things I’ve known subconsciously for a long time but haven’t openly acknowledged. For many years I’ve resisted working with guides, wanting to be independent and stand on my own two feet, but I’ve closed myself off to learning even more as a consequence. With Brenda’s support and guidance, I’ll be developing a closer relationship with my angels and guides from now on.

With Pallas Dame, I found someone who couldn’t be more like me! We think in very similar ways and we have very similar attitudes, which meant we clicked immediately. I’ll always treasure our day in Estes Park, where we toured the Stanley Hotel, the inspiration for Stephen King’s The Shining, went up the mountains in the search for moose (who were hiding from the snow), shopped in some really lovely stores and then mingled with a HUGE herd of elk before driving home to go to an Aztec dance display at Pallas’ son’s school. Our time worked out so perfectly – she very kindly gave me a BodyTalk session which finished just as my cab arrived to take me to the airport and was a gift I’ll value forever.

And of course, I have to mention Leah Ardent, the visionary behind the Academy, and Mariah Rossel. Unfortunately, Leah had to work, so I didn’t get to see as much of her as I would have liked, but Mariah gave me a massage and let me tell you something – that woman has miracle working hands! A car accident almost three years ago had left me with limited mobility in my neck, but thanks to Mariah, I can look over my right shoulder again. When you’ve resigned yourself to never being able to move properly again, having that freedom is indescribable. I can never thank her enough.

Final thoughts

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. I could go on for hours about all the wonderful experiences I had on a trip that genuinely transformed my spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical well being. I knew retreats were transformational, but I had no idea that going to America would see me find my purpose and completely change my life to put me on the right path. 

I had no expectations going out, but if I had, they would have been well and truly exceeded. I’m still on a high almost a week after leaving and even 36 hours’ travelling through multiple changes hasn’t dampened my excitement. I’ve worked on maintaining the feelings and insights I was gifted and although there’ll be times to come which will be harder than others, everything I’ve learned is more than enough to sustain me.