Forgiveness is becoming an increasingly popular topic. Many people have talked about the importance of forgiveness and now I’ve started to see a rise of arguments against forgiving. I decided to share a few thoughts about the power of forgiveness – when you’re ready.

I’ve seen memes arguing that telling someone to forgive their abuser is gaslighting and I couldn’t disagree more. 

I think there’s a misconception which correlates forgiving with forgetting. Just because you forgive someone their actions doesn’t mean you’re dismissing their seriousness or allowing them to repeat them.

You can forgive and maintain boundaries.

You can forgive while still acknowledging that you went through a really horrible time thanks to that person. 

You can forgive someone even if you will never allow them in your life again. 

You see, forgiveness has so many benefits for you, not the person who wronged. Forgiveness isn’t about them. It really isn’t. You don’t even have to tell someone that you’ve forgiven them. 

But when you forgive someone, you start to truly heal from the hurt. It allows you to move forward with your life and you remove any power they have over you. Because when you don’t forgive someone, they still keep a place in your heart, whether you like it or not. You think of them in certain situations, you wish them ill, they occupy your thoughts at the most inconvenient time because you haven’t let them go. 

Forgiveness is incredibly empowering. It allows you to reclaim your authority, rising above whatever’s happened in the past, allowing you to move from victim to survivor and beyond. It allows you to put the events of the past exactly where they belong – in the past. We are all a product of our experiences and I’m not telling you that you should forget the things which have happened. We all need to learn from our past, so we don’t repeat our mistakes. 

But when you accept that the past has happened and forgive those involved, it’s a huge step in being able to assimilate those lessons and grow. I hate the fact that we experience the greatest growth through hardship. I’d much prefer it if we could all live in sunshine and rainbows all the time. But life doesn’t work like that and we appreciate the sun all the more for the rain. Forgiveness clears space in your heart to allow more positive things to come in. 

Forgiveness is good for your health too. I’ve mentioned before how we carry a lot of emotion in our bodies. If you don’t want to forgive someone (and I do draw a distinction between not wanting to and not being able to), you’re opening yourself to conditions such as anxiety and stress or even high blood pressure or heart attacks. It really is good for you to be able to forgive those who’ve wronged you as much as you possibly can. 

At the very least, try to forgive yourself.

If you’re struggling with where to start forgiving, loving kindness meditation is a good way of developing the ability to forgive. If you’re not yet ready to send loving kindness to someone you’re in conflict with, don’t. You can always begin with sending loving kindness to yourself and then slowly build on the practice when you feel ready. 

Don’t push yourself to do anything you don’t feel ready for. Don’t forgive if you don’t want to. But if you start taking steps towards forgiving all those who’ve wronged you, you’ll discover you end up in a much better place. 

Working with the heart chakra is a good way to forgive others, which is one of the chakras we’ll be exploring this Saturday at the Journey Through The Chakras retreat. Online sales are now closed, but there are still a few spaces available directly from me. Email info@neptunesdaughter.co.uk to secure your place on an incredible day of self-discovery.